Ijaji ye-Strictly ifumanisa ilifa elinomdla njengosaziwayo wamva nje ukuthatha inxaxheba ku-Ucinga ukuba ungubani?
Buza uCraig Revel Horwood - odume ngelingeni lepanto uMnumzana Nasty we-Strictly Come Dancing - ukuba ungumntu onobubele, kwaye akaphoswa sisingqi.
Ewe, utsho kwangoko. Ndinobubele kakhulu. Bonke amaqabane am angaphambili, bar one, ngabahlobo bam abasenyongweni. Ndingumntu othandekayo, onenkathalo kwaye onothando. Enyanisweni, kulula ukuyikholelwa.
Oko kunokuvakala ngathi kubungqina bencoko yeyure enye nosaziwayo odumileyo, oziqhelisa ukubeka uhlobo oluthile lwakhe kudliwano-ndlebe.
Kodwa thetha nabantu abadibene naye xa iikhamera zicinyiwe, kwaye baya kukuxelela ukuba ngenene unobubele, uyangeneka kwaye uyonwabile- kwaye kwimeko yolu dliwanondlebe kwikhaya lakhe laseHampshire, unembeko. Kwakunetha imvula, wandikhapha wandisa emotweni yam phantsi kweambrela enkulu, nangona ndandinesambulela.
Kuya kufuneka kuthiwe imfumba yelizwe laseHorwood yi-hoot, njenge-flamboyant ingxelo yoyilo loyilo njengoko unokucinga. Eyakhelwe kwi-2008, ngaphandle ibonakala ngokungaqondakaliyo njengento ephuma kwidrama ye-Costume ngobusuku beCawa, ngelixa i-interior ecocekileyo ecocekileyo yenzelwe ngokusebenzisa i-Keyhole, kunye nobuncinci izibuko ezigcweleyo ezigcweleyo ezinesiqingatha malunga nomgangatho ophantsi wedwa.
Igumbi lokuhlala elikhulu limhlophe ngokungaboniyo, lineesofa ezimbini ezinkulu ezijike eziko zaya kumabonakude omkhulu. Igumbi lifikeleleka kunye noBuddha onesipili esineenyawo ezintlanu, iibhola ezimbini ezibengezelelekileyo kunye ne-panther eyi-crystal-encrusted lifesize, ngelixa ipiyano emhlophe yosana-grand ejonge ithafa, ichibi, kunye nengca enkulu, apho iigusha ezine ze-fiberglass zingena khona. oluhlaza kumgama ophakathi.
Emuva ngaphakathi, igumbi lokutyela lihlala i-12, kunye nekhitshi - i-steel grey kunye ne-crimson designer i-Dualit kunye nezixhobo ze-KitchenAid - inetafile yeshumi. UHorwood, oneminyaka engama-52, ngumamkeli ozimiseleyo.
Ikhitshi aliqulathanga i-Aga enkulu kuphela, kodwa isipheki esinee-oveni ezimbini eziphindwe kabini, kunye nenye i-oveni yomgangatho wamehlo ecaleni- kwaye le yinto ayibiza ngokuba yi-vol-au-vent kitchen. Ukutya kokwenyani kwenzeka kwi-anteroom eyayiligumbi lemipu elixhotyiswe ngokupheleleyo xa wayethenga igumbi lokulala elisixhenxe, ipropathi yeehektare ezisixhenxe kwiminyaka emithathu edlulileyo nge-£1.4 yezigidi (usanda kuthengisa indlu eLondon, kwaye ngoku uzinze ngokupheleleyo Hampshire).
Igumbi litshintshiwe laba yikhitshi lokutya uGordon Ramsay angafela khona, eqhayisa ngesibini esinye sezipheki ezisecaleni, nganye ineoveni ephindwe kabini, kunye nesikhenkcezisi sefriji enkulu kangangokuba inokuqeshwa njengegumbi elisecaleni.
Yintoni abantu abangamangaliswa kukwazi ngam? utsho uHorwood oneminyaka engama-52 ubudala, ehleli kamnandi kwiorenji ephuma ekhitshini. Ukuba ndiyakuthanda ukupheka nokucanda iinkuni zenkqubo yokufudumeza endlwini yam. Kwaye ndiyakuthanda ukunxiba nokuba namatheko.
Ndibize ngokungalunganga, kodwa andiqinisekanga ukuba baya kumangaliswa ngokupheleleyo malunga nezi zimbini zokugqibela. Kodwa akukho ngqondo konke konke ngoHorwood, ongatshatanga okwangoku, ejikeleza yedwa kwindlu yakhe enkulu. Ngentsasa esidibana ngayo, umama wakhe uBeverley wayemkile emva kokuhlala iiveki ezintandathu, kwaye omnye wodade wabo, uDi, uhleli unyaka wonke. Ubomi bentsapho bubalulekile kuye, nto leyo eyayibangela ukuba abe nemincili ngokuthatha inxaxheba kulo mdlalo Ixesha le-14 ka Ucinga Ukuba Ungubani?.
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Bendisoloko ndiyithanda le nkqubo, utsho ngomdlalo othi, njengoStrictly, waqala ukuboniswa ngo-2004 kwaye sele usiba luphawu losasazo. Ndaba buhlungu xa benomdla kum. Ibinomtsalane kakhulu ekubeni ndigqiba iminyaka engama-50 ubudala, kwaye emva kokuphulukana notata wam [owasweleka ngo-2015]. Njengoko ndazalelwa eBallarat, iikhilomitha ezingama-70 kumntla-ntshona weMelbourne, ndandisazi ukuba le nkqubo yayiza kundibeka eOstreliya, kodwa ndandingazi ukuba ookhokho bam bakhela iBallarat ngemali evela kwimigodi yegolide.
Ukufumanisa ukuba ukhokho wam uHarry wayeyintshatsheli yomdaniso wase-Australasia ngo-1871 yayiyinto engaqhelekanga. Kwaye kwakumnandi ukufumanisa ukuba ookhokho bam babengama-Bhritane, njengoko babesuka kwiindawo ezininzi, kwaye ichaza ukuba kutheni ndihlala ndiziva ndikhululekile kweli lizwe, ndikhetha ukuchitha ubomi bam apha ukusukela ngo-1989 kwaye ndithatha ubuzwe obubini kwilizwe. 2011. Ilifa lam lilapha, kwaye liziva litshintsha ubomi ukwazi konke oko.
Uthi uyayikhumbula indlela yokuphila yangaphandle yase-Australia kunye nobuhlobo bemvelo apho. Kodwa kuyahlekisa kwaye kububudenge ukuba iOstreliya iseneminyaka ukusuka kumtshato olinganayo, utsho kabukhali. Abezopolitiko belizwe babuyele ngasemva. Izothe.
Apha e-UK ndiyayithanda inkqubo yeklasi. Ndiyakuthanda ukuhlala nabantu abadumileyo kunye nabasebenzi. Ndingazibiza ngokuba ndikumgangatho ophakathi, njengoko ndingenagazi lasebukhosini, ngokungafaniyo noDanny Dyer!
Uhleka kakhulu. Ewe bendinethemba legazi lasebukhosini… Ndibahlobo abasenyongweni nabo bonke abadumileyo kwiBhotwe. Ndiza kwitheko lokuzalwa likaCamilla leminyaka engama-70 kungekudala kwaye andinakulinda. Uthandeka kakhulu. Uye wadelelwa ngokwenene. Ungumfazi nje oye wathandana, kwaye kuphela komntu onike uthando, uthando kunye nokunyaniseka kumyeni wakhe. Ungumhlobo omkhulu kwaye ndiyakuthanda ukuya kumatheko akhe. Ndifanele ukuba naye epatini apha, abone igusha yam yobuxoki. Ndicinga ukuba angahleka. Uthandeka ngokwenene. Akukho thambo libi emzimbeni wakhe.
Baye badibana malunga neshumi leminyaka eyadlulayo ngeNational Osteoporosis Society, engumongameli wayo kwaye engunozakuzaku- iwebhusayithi yakhe ithengisa iingoma ezikhalayo zamagama akhe abunayo (i-dahnce di-sah-ster, sithandwa), nayo yonke inzuzo uluntu.
Ngenxa yokuba ngusaziwayo nam, ndiyayiqonda nyani into ehamba nosapho lwasebukhosini, ukuba semehlweni kawonke-wonke, utshilo. Ekuphela kwenxalenye elungileyo kukuba unokunyusa imali eninzi yesisa. Andikuthandi ukuba ngusaziwayo. Andiyonwabeli ingqalelo. Andikuthandi ukujongwa. Ndiyathanda ukuba ngumlawuli. Abadlali abaninzi banoloyiko olufanayo. Ikhaphethi ebomvu iyacaphukisa, kodwa kufuneka yenziwe.
Ngaba kunjalo? Wayengumqambi wezomculo osekiweyo kunye nomlawuli kwakudala ngaphambi kokuba aQonde, kwaye akazange ayeke - umculo wakhe wamva nje, uNyana woMshumayeli, ukhenketha ilizwe ukusukela ngoSeptemba. Yintoni emthintelayo ukuba ayeke iTV?
Andinako. Ayinakwenzeka ngoku. U-Len [Goodman] akasayi kuphinda enze umboniso, kodwa ungaqinisekisa ukuba uza kuzingelwa esitratweni. Kwiivenkile ezinkulu, abantu bacinga ukuba bayandazi. Ndiye ndabethwa ngempama ebusweni kwaye ndathukwa kakubi. Kodwa kwi-Strictly andizange ndenze izimvo zomntu, kuphela malunga nomdaniso. Unemizuzwana elishumi yokuthetha, ngoko ke kufuneka ungqale ngaphandle kokuba mbi.
Ukanti uthe uTim Wonnacott kaBargain Hunt wayejongeka ngathi udanisa inapkeni, uJudy Murray wabonakala elolongiwe, kwaye uRachel Riley ka-Countdown wayezulazula njenge-slug kwityuwa.
Andizimiselanga ukuba mbi, uyancwina uHorwood. Ekuqaleni kwexesha ngalinye, sifumanisa kuphela ukuba ngubani na i-celebs iyure ngaphambi kokuba ulwazi lukhutshwe kumaphephandaba, kwaye ke kufuneka ndifake i-google amagama ngokukhawuleza-smart kuba andiyazi ukuba bangobani. Abantu abadumileyo bazimisele ukwamkela imali kwaye bayayazi ukuba yintoni le gig. Abantu bezemidlalo kumboniso bahlala bethatha ukugxekwa kakuhle. Abadlali bayoyika, besoyika ukungaphumeleli.
Ndinqwenela ukuba bahambe yenza amanani avela kwivoti yefowuni esidlangalaleni , ukunqanda ukuthetha ngayo ukuba iyalungiswa - kodwa ukuba umntu odumileyo ufumana iivoti ezizigidi ezili-13 aze omnye afumane ezimbini, isenokungehli kakuhle...
Uyavuma, kwaye ubonakala enelisekile, ukuba indima yakhe eNgqongileyo njengokhohlakeleyo yamgweba ukuba athathe indawo kaLen Goodman njengejaji eyintloko. Naye uyavela Unika inkxaso ngononophelo kwingcaphephe yaseLatin America uShirley Ballas oneminyaka engama-56 ubudala njengokungena endaweni kaGoodman.
Bekuya kuba kuphosakele kum kuba bekuza kufuneka ndibe ngumlamli oncumayo, ongekho kwindalo yam, utshilo. Ngaphandle koko, awufumani enye imali. Kwaye kungcono ukuba ibe ngumntu ababukeli abangenazo iimbono zangaphambili malunga, ngokungafaniyo no-Anton [Du Beke] okanye uBrendan [Cole].
Ndidibene noShirley ukuze ndibulise kuye. Ungumqeqeshi womdaniso okrelekrele, nangona ebeyijaji yeTV kube kanye okanye kabini eMelika, njengondwendwe. Ndicinga ukuba uya kuba mkhulu kuba unolwazi olungaphezulu kunaye nayiphi na enye ijaji, kuquka nam, nangona i-telly ifuna okungaphezulu koko. Ixesha liza kuxela. Kunzima kakhulu ukuba mfutshane, ukwenza i-line-line kunye ne-soundbites. Kuya kuba nzima nakubani na. Kodwa uyahlekisa kwaye uyakhawuleza. Kwaye undifumana ndihlekisa.
Ixesha liphelile. Sinqumla igrabile ukuya kwiMX5 yam yakudala ebomvu. Thanda imoto, sithandwa, utsho, njengenguqulelo yakhe ephakathi, ngaphambi kokuba abuyele ngaphakathi.
Ingaba ucinga Ungubani? kungoLwesine ngentsimbi yesi-9pm kwiBBC1